LITTLE D

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim, Hi, it's been so long I didn’t post anything but here I am. It takes me a lot of courage to write back because I do miss writing. I know this few days it shocked everyone (include me). Guess what? --Yes, I’m engaged. Everyone, including myself, was shocked with my decision. On my E-day I do pinch myself a lot, it this real?   It this me and for real D? I always kept my stories private well, especially involve with feelings, the first person knew about this is my best best friend Piqa tu pun a year before I ready to tell her (see it takes me a lot of courage to tell her) because I was known as a person who always chasing my carrier and travel and yes never once (well after I enter University) I never plan to settle down or getting married. Is not even in my list and I also do my plan if I not married in Dunya I will travel all around the world, working my ass off and staying with my parents take care of them and I do also plan I ca...

I don't know why lately I feels     low-esteem with myself  . I  just don't know .  Almost everyday I asked my mom ,  ' why I am so hideous ?'  Then my mom will said ' God already created like that , you should be grateful , what if you don't have nose ?'  A long pause there ----- When some people said 'hey , you already beautiful la , or  some may said 'hey . you cute what  and  I was thinking it was a lie  totally a liars I don't know why I always reflect my self some  big and ugly monster sometimes  Yeah to describe how  hideous  I am Then ,  when I am struggle with my own conflict  I don't realize the real me its getting faded  I mean  How to content me with others Until today when my friend said 'why you being so silent ? it makes me feel awkward?' Is that what people see? What people feels ? About me  ...

Mungkin ramai akan cakap aku bodoh atau seumpamanya . Mungkin itu semua benar . Sungguh . Tapi aku takut .  Benarlah kata bonda semakin aku mintak jauh semakin ia menghampiri . Aku bukan menolak tapi mengelak Sungguh aku tidak layak , benar . Telah banyak aku melakukan dosa mahupun silap. Jika dosa itu berbau , akulah yang berbau paling busuk . Mungkin 1000 jauh batunya masih terhidu , atau lebih jauh lagi . Aku pernah terbaca di dalam al-quran . Ayatnya berbunyi lebih kurang (aku buat ayat sendiri) ''Kalau kau buat salah mintak ampun pada Allah , jika kau buat salah lagi mintak ampun pada Allah dan jika kau mengulangi lagi mintak ampun pada Allah , sesungguhnya Allah maha pengampun '' Hati aku sentap , sudah berjuta kali aku membuat kesilapan dan kesalahan yang sama namun Allah masih menerima . Aku pernah berjanji dengan diri aku sendiri namun aku tetap melakukan . Betapa hinanya aku . Mungkin luaran atau mata kasar orang melihat aku baik...

I do have a great time with them . This is 'our' first time run out from our prison to visit other place , well farthest near the town, see  just holed up in the  Sintok woods . How sad . So yesterday we went to Kuala Perlis with the tallest akk fakirah as the driver and the tourist guide akk ida . Here we go . First destination . Kuala Perlis .  Seriously this thing ' sotong goreng tepung ' superbb . Sedap sangat , ini pun order untuk dua orang see banyak sangat . I do love this picture , model - akk ida . Actually akk ida want to invite us to see the sunset, but the weather is  covered by mist. But is okay we do feel very fun to eat . Yummy . So pretty . Then we perform our Magrib at 'masjid terapung ' . Subahan' allah , I do admire this masjid . By the way ignore my face yeah . When the wind blow to the face I feels I can fly waaahh . I do love zephyr . I wish I can go there again its so beautiful . Next location ,...

I skip class today . So bored in class , when your foreigner lecturer try to speak in malay and you was like haaaa whaaatt you know you like deaf people and your mouth open try to catch up his words  , well yeah is good for him learn our language but for me it was D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R , I am who will sit in examination   . Now I can imagine how my grades  will be , ahhhh . Yeah little D bad girl now but best apa ponteng kelas . I have an intention to do it again la . So November , is quite busy for me , do that do this. This is my first time become committee members  in an islamic program . The program called 'MAN ANA' siapa saya . Is quite interesting,  I experience that I can learn and how do I handle program, well is quite tiring but it was great . By the way is religious program so that we can improve the knowledge about religion, it's very exciting to be learned. two boom - my cheek , how worst . Ugly me and my roommate . First time , jadi AJK ...

Have you ever feel you want to be him/ her . I mean  want to be in him/her shoes .  Looks so perfect whatever you want you will get with just finger picking .  Then , when boys/girls passing by looking at you just a first glance and not making the second thought .  Then , no worries any quiz or exam because you actually incredible intelligent .  Have you? Same goes me .  I don't know why suddenly I write it , maybe I motivate myself .  But , this is human nature .  Actually without we  thought that up people who want to be like us . They see us .  Yeah human cycle . We never feels satisfied with our self . Life like a shoes   Looks pretty / smart outside  Try you to wear it Big or Small Try to walk it Loose or  Hurt Then you will know This is my life and Why I Am I  We have different size and different test . God has given us the exact size and fit for us. Our job is to wea...

Is already 3 a.m  I don't know what to do My eyes  Still fresh So . . . . . . . . . . I stalk my old facebook account then I scroll scroll scroll every people post at my timeline  and scroll scroll scroll - - - - - - - as you do now *I know stupid right hihi but why you keeping do it by the way then scroll scroll - - - - - I  saw  it and my eyes keep reading my hand keep  scrolling  - - - - - June 29, 2011  6:25 pm  only god knows how much i love you. ♥ :) 9 . 11 pm What I feel for you is more than words can say, I'll love you forever each and everyday. ♥ ;) June 30 , 2011 9.35 pm you mean the world to me :) 9. 37 pm A day without you is like the world without sunshine. Iloveyou ! :) 9. 59 pm I love you ♥ ;) July 7 ,2011  10. 26pm I love you ♥ hihi ;) July 16 , 2011...

Finally it's mid-sem break but seriously is not feels like a mid-sem it feels a mid-sem assignment . I had thought to take a break from studying but again after answering statistic paper like a bullshit . Yeah I just don't want to talk about that,  because of  this paper I've skip my statistics class  , yeah lazy to get off from the bed in early that morning then seeing your lecturer face like your seeing  the  answer sheets will get zero . Maybe I am a person so easily get depresses , maybe perhaps ? I dunno . Sometimes we not depress on the work we should done but, the person who we should face it right? Yeah , I know not everyone can follow our pace and not all of us can follow he/her pace. We are born with differences and differences of character. Some said  that the differences can be close friends and some said friend can be triggered when there is a similarity. Gota it? I personally do not know whether I am guilty or not but  if ...

Time passes so quickly. It's time I returned to sintokoyo, tomorrow morning. Goodbye home Yesterday , I do have a really great time with my roommate and my course  mate . I wish Farah can join us  it will be more fun .So yesterday we gathered at KL central. I'm from Putrajaya while those in KL. This is the first time we went out together in the KL area and we do have fun time . Let's hang out again someday . Okay , let me tell a bit about them, know where you deign to make future wife? okay jokes. This akak Yas, why akak ? her  age  is 20, but she does look like 20 right ? Maybe she is too small , yeah I am fat .  STPM leavers in  accountants course . Fantastic. Ever she  given a bid to continue her studies in accountants at Australia  but she rejected the offer because delayed until after she was in sintokoyo. Maybe in sintokoyo is akak sustenance.I am happy to get to know you. She was also one of the reasons we like to bully her, becaus...

Life is sometimes unpredictable. I do not know why lately I'm too depressed with myself. My fault? Maybe I'm too far away from Allah may this part of the test. Allah may have planned the way my life better. Allah is the  first used for guided me. When I tell my life story to them, they said I was lucky meditating, when I'm alone and reflect upon myself, do I able to maintain this guidance? Too many trials, I almost collapsed. But there is a faith in my heart I will continue to get up and fight, it is not easy to defend something simple collapsing. Let them insult, let them look down. leave. God is all-knowing what is implied. Be patient, O hearts that one day success will come with full meaning.

Kadang-kadang aku tak paham dengan sikap seseorang itu . Kalau nak berkawan mesti tengok family background dia whether from rich family or not . Kalau tak kaya mesti melihat paras rupa cantik ke ta ? . Mungkin ini satu lumrah , Tapi trend kat sini tak macam ni but still they will seeking on something , apa? in courses . Aku tak paham kenapa dorang kalau nak bergaul mesti tengok kepada course seseorang tu  , well yeah not all of them but some , because of this some people mencacatkan pandangan dan pemikiran seseorang kepada seseorang . Gotta it ?  Course kami tak se'gah' nama bangunan kami even our courses in international school but people still look us down , kalau kami sebut apa nama course kami, mereka akan mempamerkan riaksi muka 'ouh course tu je ?' kadang-kadang aku rase macam nak tumbuk terajang je . Nasib aku perempuan . Nasib berbaju kurung . Nasib bertudung . Kalau ta memang aku dah ganyang kau kat situ .  Pernah juga seseorang dari course account...

Perhaps here the fate I know who I am. I never thought that I would be this level. I had hoped to have a life like everyone else or be in their place. They are full of life and  full of happiness. It's time I stop complaining, I have to move forward. Dare I gotta move. I'm very grateful for what I have experienced. I never thought I would spend the night in the forest. I never thought I can fight with them I never thought  I'm brave to fight their challenges. I did not expect. And I'm proud of myself . Farah buat cerita seram lak time ni  Tengah makan mala dekat dewan  terbuka then  Farah : Apa didy?  Me: Apa? Farah : Didy ajak lepas makan ni duduk dalam khemah erk? Me: Ha mana ade Farah : ouh okay , orang belakang kot . Continue her meal  I am looking at Yas and Yas looking at me . Staring each other without knowing the answer .  “Stop comparing where you’re at with where everyone else is. It doesn...

This is called the life, times continue to run without knowing what it means stop, alternating day night.I never cease to recognize something, maybe change will happen, but that's the reality that I need to know. Not now maybe later.This is my new life that I will be confronted in the next 4 years. Maybe this is my destiny. Maybe this is the best way to me. Perhaps this is where my success. Maybe and maybe and possibly. dude it's already 12.30 time to sleep meh , (maggad  I'm soo gemok hell yeah my face ) #16 september , Hari Malaysia We are KLians .

phts & edit  by myself Alhamdulilah I'm safely arrived my destination this evening , yeah it was  long journey so do my heart  began to move away . May Allah ease me  . Bismillahirrahmanirrahim Life , it will pass us by so fast . But really , it's up to us how far our journey is and when we finally hop off . And in those moments before leaving, you must wonder , was my journey worth it in the end? . And the answer should be 'yes' . -mellifuous Said goodbye , turned around and you were gone,gone,gone . Faded into the setting  sun , slipped away. But I won't cry cause I know , I'll never be lonely .For you are the stars to me , you are the light I follow . In a place far away where the water meets the  sky The thought makes me smile Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking , But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know I'll see you again and this is not where it end , See you again

Who knows it just a doa'  '' Ya Allah betulkan kau pandang aku lagi , Ya Allah betulkah kau sayang aku , Ya Allah jika benar tolong la hamba-mu ini , aku betul-betul nak berubah tapi aku tak tahu macam mana nak mulakan , Amin'' Who knows it just a first step with a heavy heart  'Selamat Datang ke Matrikulasi Pulau Pinang '  Who knows it just a short conversation  Me : Ehh kita satu practicum kan?  Maziah : Ha'a Me: Jom la pergi class sesame, meh la masuk bilik kita Maziah : ouh okay Me : Name sapa erk? lupa laa.. Maziah : Maziah . Who knows it just a discussion group  Afiqah : Nak number boleh , senang nak contact nanti . Me : Alaa , tak ingat la number , jap erk . Name?  Afiqah : Afiqah  Who knows it just sitting position side by side Who knows we become closer and closer  Who knows it gonna be a changes  Me : Wei kau perasan tak ? hewhew Maziah : Perasan Me : Apa-apa ? hehe...

Hello there , only left less than two weeks from today I will study the way off there. Where? well still in the north. Maybe this is my fate  . Am I ready? . I do not know. My heart is strong rebel don't want to go .but at the same time my mind keep saying just go , you need a space and you need run for a while from those drama is happening . This week my busy week and I am very excited , yeah you know . My shopping week . My mind getting crazy with those 'sale' word with  that cloth , that dress , that shoes , this handbang , that -this . I just can't control myself . As my mom usually said ' I'm getting be hysteria saw those thing . Duhh. Normal-lah . Anyway just wish luck for me . (I don't know what to write that's why I'm  leaving so much space ) Happy Shopping Day ! '' When I shop , the world gets better , and the world is better , but then it's not , and I need to do it again'' -Sophie Kinsella

Alhamdulilah , I had three months to gain work experience, true. Working is  more difficult than learning. If I am given a choice, learning is an option for me. I have gathered a lot of experience, getting to know people, know the environment and responsibility. So this is my journey for my first experience working 'part-time'. The experience began in a bookstore (prefer to be untold) , at first I thought, maybe working in bookstore is not so bad, but the thought  dampened when I was working there, worse, tired and sadistic. There are divided into their department , but I was sooooo unlucky to get the magazine department . Honestly I'm not very interested in the magazine, the day I was interviewed , I may be placed as cashier but this may be my soul mate. At that time I worked in the care of my magazine  boss. But the knowledge that could be passed to me just 2 weeks. I feel myself great because I can handle a difficult  department. (wahaha)...

After three months of waiting, finally the question for ex- students of matriculation was looking forward unanswered at 12 pm today .I feel scared to know what's going to happen, whether I'm pleased or not. I never stop to pray  begging  Allah to facilitate the allegations that have been designated and set my faith and be a brave to know what was in the plan of Allah. I have already know the answered of  the question. I personally could never decipher the feeling when I see the answer is already there. Not sad. Not happy. I just don't know. Maybe this is my destiny  and maybe this is the course of my life that I want to continue . Although at  first I feel heavy heart to accept but do I have other options?. Sometimes we have no choice just the way we make decisions that distinguish it. Sometimes what we dream about things not necessarily it could be reach . Maybe this would be an extremely appropriate. I resigned. I'm pleased. I accept it with a ...